Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
