this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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