I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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