I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
