mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
