Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
