I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
