woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
