i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
