There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need a beard to bite.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
