Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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