I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
