I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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