You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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