Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
