Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
