I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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