Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
