new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
