I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
