I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
