can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
