just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
