paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
