I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize