so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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