I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
