May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
