Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
