wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
