Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
