Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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