My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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