so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Randomize
