guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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