Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
