U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
