i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
