You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
