Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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