Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
