I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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