Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
