I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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