the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
