he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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