you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
