I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize