Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize