I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were trust falling into bushes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
