dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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