i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
