I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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