you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I will pee on everything he values.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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