Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
