Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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