you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
