The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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