I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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