im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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