That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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