So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
