We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
