real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
