i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
