I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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