I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
