I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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