So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
