so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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