I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
