i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
