After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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