She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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