I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
